He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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