Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
