When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think my vagina is haunted
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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