Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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