I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
