Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
