we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sober January is a disaster.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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