I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
