I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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