I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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