The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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