oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
