I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
