I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
