He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
