we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
