i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
