big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
