Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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