just come out here and I will go home with you...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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