guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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