I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
