Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You left your phone here
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