I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
