remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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