her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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