and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
