mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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