he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
