So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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