At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
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I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My feet surprised me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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