i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
