why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
