I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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