1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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