I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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