Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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