white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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