all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
