Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
