This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize