I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
