I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
