I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
