that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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