Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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