that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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