I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
