Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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