wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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