There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
