Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
