wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
