i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
