fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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