if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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