Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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