We're like a lot better than the average bears
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
