ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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