Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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