who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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