You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
