I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize