We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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