we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
