I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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