I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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